


You Comfort Me

by cozygh0st



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary V, Other, my first fanfic and it’s a self insert au, shadow is in here but he is only a babey kitty, so much anxiety and fluff, there are more chapters coming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 06:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cozygh0st/pseuds/cozygh0st
Summary: 100% self-insert modern AU featuring me and V. Writing this was incredibly soothing and I plan on writing more in this same universe. I gotta.V is as in character as I could imagine him as; I tried really hard to write him that way. Also he’s nonbinary.





	You Comfort Me

Summer sunshine gently filtered through the large glass doors and reflected against the navy tile of the lobby, making the dust sparkle and swirl. Pristine and organized stood the desk behind me; I made the entryway look presentable as my shift at the shelter was coming to a close. The small noise of the lobby door opening caught my attention and I sidled behind the counter to assist an approaching woman; she was struggling with a rather large cardboard box, her graying hair falling over her face as she huffed. As she shuffled closer I saw crude holes punched into the box; the glimpse of a bright yellow eye peeked out at me through the darkness inside. After lugging the box onto the counter, I parted the flaps open carefully and my sight was filled with black fur. A small panther-like cat, who was abnormally docile for being stuck in a box, gazed up at me and squinted in the light. I petted the cat’s midnight pelt carefully. “Where did this chunky boy come from?” I asked, in a soothing voice. “I found him under my car on my lunch break, he seems to have a collar on him but only his name is readable,” the lady said to me, a little exasperated. Grasping gently at the soft fur under his neck, I found a weathered tag on a worn mauve collar. “**S H A D O W**” is all I could make out, just like she said. I furrowed my brow. “Well, he’s had this on for a while. I’m glad he’s not in this heat any longer,” I muttered sadly before smiling at her. “Thank you so much for bringing him in, he’ll be much safer here. Following procedure, we’ll try looking for his owner before he’s on the adoption floor.” The woman seemed satisfied, beaming at me after wiping her shining forehead with the back of her hand. “Excellent. He seems sweet so I hope he finds a good home, whatever happens. Appreciate it!”  
  
  
After she exited through the tall glass doors, I made myself busy. Snapping a picture of Shadow with the shelter’s digital camera, I was prepared for my quest to visit the library to print out flyers. I have a rather soft spot for cats, and I’m sure whoever he belonged to missed him very much... thinking of my cats at home, a pang of sadness briefly washed over me with the thought of them getting lost out in this summer heat. Shaking my head as if a layer of the dust swirling around had settled on my shoulders, I began providing Shadow with some hospitality. I finished the rest of my duties, signed out, and briskly stepped into the summer air. The breeze was welcome as I strolled towards the library down the street, camera at the ready and my library card in hand.  
  
  
I do enjoy going to the library when it’s required for work, which isn’t very often. The ambiance is so quiet paralleled to the always busy animal shelter. There was always something needing to be done, but as long as my guest interactions were minimal, every shift was enjoyable. Admiring the calmness at the close of a long day, I sat in the computer lab located in the back corner of the building. I plugged in the camera and got to work, opening up a program to create a flyer. There were other people around me, browsing books and doing tasks on their own computers. My hands started to tremble and my mouth went dry; I wanted to leave before I became overwhelmed.  
  
  
Suddenly, a smooth voice behind me said, “Ah, that’s a beautiful cat! Is it missing?” Frozen in my seat, I swallowed and managed to reply, “Actually, he was found at the shelter! So I’m making some flyers.” I gestured to the computer screen awkwardly with my hands, still not facing the source of the curious stranger’s voice. “Oh? If that is the case, could I possibly have some when they print? I have a club meeting tonight and I wouldn’t mind to pass them out.” Surprised, I turned around to answer gratefully and connected eye contact with... him. My temperature instantly rose and my cheeks flushed red. A long sleeved black shirt covered a tall lithe frame that forced me to glance up to meet his visage. Raven hair feathered the crown of his head, framing his angled face. His eyes were the color of a spring forest in the evening, his nose long and straight, and his pretty lips parted into a smile shy and warm. He was tattooed, handsome, and his voice tied it all together. Trying to hide my reaction, I extended my hand to him and squeaked out, “That’s very kind of you!” The handsome stranger met my handshake with a fingerless gloved hand, the other gripped around a silver cane that gleamed gold in the setting sun. He shook my hand gently and nodded. “It is at no inconvenience to me. You can call me V.” As he spoke, I could see he had dimples. I swallowed again as inconspicuously as I could and introduced myself. “My name is Ari.”

Still warm from the printer, V collected a small stack of flyers from me. “I apologize if I startled you earlier; I was searching for a book when Shadow caught my attention,” he said, fishing a paper clip from his pocket. I flipped through the stack in my hands, glancing over them to distract myself from looking into his eyes. “I’m very easily startled, so don’t feel bad. I’m grateful for the help,” I stated genuinely. An idea popped into my head, and I met his gaze with a smile curling the corner of my mouth. “You know, we could use an extra hand at the shelter if you have the time,” I mention, barely withholding a hopeful tone. V gestures to his cane with a tip of his head. “I do love animals, but my energy for physical tasks is very limited. Having pets has always been therapeutic for me, though.” I saw him glance at the flyer for Shadow with a subtle longing expression. “Honestly, I have been considering getting a cat for this reason,” he said, slightly under his breath. I nodded. “I totally understand, if you ever want to come and socialize with the cats, they would love to see you!” I said enthusiastically. V grinned at me, dimples appearing. “I would like that, I think. It was nice to meet you Ari; I wish you luck in finding Shadow’s owner.”  
  
  
A shimmering pink sunset painted my rearview mirror as I made my way home. There were flyers of Shadow all over town now, my mission complete. I was warmly greeted by my two kitties as I walked into my front door, made myself a quick dinner, then clambered into bed. My thoughts haven’t left the person I met in the library. He was so gentle and mysterious... I wanted to see him again. All night I wondered about him, thinking about his smooth voice in my ear... I argued with myself as I laid there. Maybe he will be at the library again, and I could ask him about the club he talked about? No, that’s dumb, that could be perceived as rude. And I probably won’t ever see him again. A quick thought flashed through me, hitting me like a sucker punch to the inside of my skull. I wonder if he thinks I’m a girl. My dysphoria, hot and uncomfortable, made a painful twinge in my stomach. I should have mentioned my pronouns, or shouldn’t I have? Our talking was brief, so I didn’t think either of us used gendered language at all. I haven’t been wearing my binder to give my ribs a break, so I probably wasn’t passing very well. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint who is safe and who isn’t; I wish I could be more confident in who I am without being afraid for my safety. Turning on my side, I exhaled heavily. My cats stretched in protest on the bed. Suddenly I felt like I was drowning and my breath refused to catch up. My vision blurred for moment before I began reciting simple math out loud to center myself; the floundering, helpless feeling passed after a moment, leaving me with an overwhelming exhaustion. Bringing my hands to press my fingers to my temples, I massaged with eyes screwed shut. Oh well, I thought. I probably will have to go to the library again soon to print out more flyers to decorate the rest of the town, regardless of how I feel. How brave I am.

A week passed and the situation with Shadow wasn’t going very well; flyers were on practically every available surface due to my (overly) frequent trips to the library printer, and not a single call to show for it. As I made my way around town my tall tattooed crush didn't grace me with his presence, not that I had made a big show of looking. But I will admit, the entire situation left me deflated; V was always at the back of my mind as I did my everyday chores. Usually when I develop a liking to someone, it doesn’t take me long to move past them as form of self-sabotage. My worry about falling short of their expectations usually beats me into submission. But something about V was different... I felt like he was genuinely kind. I didn’t feel judged under his gaze, but rather treated like an equal. What a nice change of pace, I thought. The way he spoke was so irrevocably smooth and musical, how could anyone expect me to get it out of my head? There was something else that made me feel connected to him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was mystified, but we only met once anyway. My thoughts wandered back to him as my life continued that week, giving my brain a distraction from otherwise being overwhelmed.  
  
  
Then the phone rang one afternoon. I was at the front desk filing adoption paperwork, so instinctually I reached out and answered. “Hello, you have reached the Redgrave City Animal Shelter. My name is Ari, how can I help you?” Then a familiar smooth voice was in my ear and my stomach was engulfed in butterflies.  
  
“Oh, hello Ari! Nice to hear from you again. It’s V, from the library last week? I'm not sure if you remember, I---”  
  
My voice got significantly higher.  
  
“Yeah, I remember! What can I do for you?” I squeaked, attempting to stay professional.  
  
I heard a gentle chuckle. “Tell me, has Shadow been reunited with his owner yet?” V inquired curiously.  
  
I couldn’t help but frown. “Sadly no. You would think with all the flyers we passed out we would have some lead. But that’s not the case. I’m starting to think he was dumped as the owners moved away,” I said gloomily.  
  
“How unfortunate... I ask because I called yesterday morning; the person I spoke with had mentioned that he will be put up for adoption soon if nobody came forward. I have thought a great deal about having a cat in my home to keep me company; they have the perfect amount of independence. Admittedly... I’ve become rather attached to him after seeing his mugshot all around town. Do you think I could come in later to meet him?” I could hear him smile as he spoke and the great butterfly migration in my stomach took off. Shadow, despite being in a stressful new environment, was very docile and affectionate in my visits; I had grown quite attached myself. He would take to V, at least I believed so. “That would be really sweet, he is very personable and I think he will enjoy the attention. I would be able to answer any of your questions as well.” I paused to control my voice. “So what time can I expect you, V?”  
  
  
Hanging up the phone, I couldn’t help the stupid smile plastered on my face as I started to get the introduction room ready for V and Shadow. The kennel I needed could fit a medium-sized dog, and stuffed inside was his favorite blanket, in case he needed something familiar to comfort him. As excited as I was to see my little crush again, I wanted them to really hit it off; V needed to find a pet that would soothe him, and Shadow was a good boy who deserved a loving home. 

Not much later did I watch V enter the lobby, approaching the front desk with his cane gently tapping the tile with each step. My stomach flipped as he made eye contact and gave a friendly smile. Today he was wearing a black tank top with bracelets on his right wrist. I saw then that his tattoos extended down both of his arms and over his hands. They were black inked and wispy, like smoke curling and falling over his skin. The plunge in the neckline of his shirt is where I could see the shapes of the tattoo converge together to that of a stylistic skull on his chest, almost extending to his jaw. I could see the tattoos on his neck and hands when we first met, but I didn’t realize they covered his entire torso, much to my delight. It throughly added to his aesthetic of being dark and mysterious. “Ari! I’m ready for Shadow,” he exclaimed to me, nodding his raven head as his eyes were trained on mine. I walked around the desk to meet him, clasping my hands together to keep them from trembling. “V! If you don’t mind, follow me...”  
  
  
All three of us were seated on the floor, including the domesticated panther who was staring at us from inside his kennel. Transporting him from his temporary home to the intro room was enough for me to break a sweat, considering his girth. While I’m catching my breath sitting cross-legged on the grey carpet, V sat near me against the khaki wall with one arm draped over a knee brought up to his chest. He gazed at Shadow and made a small noise with his mouth to coax him over. The cat looked at us with his striking eyes and started trotting over to V. I observed in happy silence as they interacted together; V grinning from ear to ear as he stroked Shadow from his forehead to his tail. The cat crinkled his golden eyes shut and stood still as he was receiving pets. It wasn't long until he started weaving in and out of V’s legs and meowed when he wasn’t receiving attention fast enough. V looked truly happy as he interacted with Shadow, flashing his entrancing smile and chuckling to himself while Shadow’s loud purring filled the room. The connection they made was practically immediate, and it was adorable. Suddenly becoming aware I was staring, I grabbed my phone and opened up Twitter out of habit. As soon as I did, V turned his head to look at me. “Ari, I- Oh, you have an account as well?” Looking up from the screen, I caught a pink blush cross his face before he snapped his head forward . Instantly was my face red hot. “I apologize for being intrusive.” he said concernedly, eyebrows knitted together, still unable to meet my gaze. I laughed nervously, “Oh, it’s fine, don’t worry about it! I didn’t chalk you up as a person who would have Twitter though,” I joked reassuringly. He seemed to relax a little and glanced down at Shadow, who was standing on his hind legs, front paws on V’s knee. “It’s nothing exhilarating, I mostly utilize it to tweet lines of poetry as they come to me. It’s a lot easier for me to access my phone than a journal when I’m not at home,” he said, stroking Shadow. “That makes a lot of sense. I use it mostly to interact with friends and follow my favorite artists,” I said. “Would you be interested in following me? I would love some feedback,” V asked, smiling a little sheepishly. My heart soared as I somehow managed to choke down my excitement. “Yeah! I wouldn’t mind to at all. If you end up adopting Shadow, or any other kitties, promise you’ll send me pictures there.” I gave him a friendly nudge and grinned. He chuckled and nodded. “Of course!” We exchanged handles and chattered, as Shadow passed out in his lap.  
  
  


The evening was warm; fireflies danced beyond my windowsill and cicadas whirred as the day came to a close. Everything seemed a little more vibrant after that afternoon. I made myself wait until I got home before looking through V’s account; as much as I wanted to learn more about him, I needed to flex a little restraint. The last thing I want is for him to know how I feel, especially in such a messy manner. I wondered how he felt about me, but I didn’t want to start doubting myself. I physically shivered to get a handle on my thoughts, cuddled into bed, and wrapped cozily around my phone. I opened up Twitter after taking a deep breath and got ready to dig into the metaphorical meal.  
  
  
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had curated my bio to reflect my gender and pronouns. The words “_they/them_” and “_nonbinary_” stared up at me, and I bit my lip. Usually I try not to out myself to strangers, but my silly crush left me vulnerable and thoughtless. I was definitely out to him now. I went to his bio and scanned it... it was as vague as he was. “_The fool who persists in his folly becomes wise,_” I read aloud to myself. No note of his pronouns, just a line by William Blake. Chewing my lip, I scrolled down to read his tweets. The corners of my mouth softened and I relaxed a little. V’s poetry was... astounding. The way he talks and articulates in speech - deliberate, smooth, and deep - translated beautifully into his poetry. He preferred free verse it seemed, with a focus on introspection. I was never really one for poetry; I enjoyed some verses I had read in high school, but most self-proclaimed poets I had met seemed pretentious and cruel. I just didn’t get that vibe from V. Besides, if he was transphobic it's best I learn now instead of later, right?. My worries melted away slowly as I laid in bed, cozy and letting V softly recite his poetry to me in my head.  
  
  
Suddenly my concentration was broken by a notification; it was a direct message from V. Startled, I made a surprised shriek and buried my face in my hands, my cats staring at me with wide eyes and ears back. After collecting myself, I enthusiastically picked my phone up back up from where it had landed and tapped open the message with trembling fingers. “_Good evening Ari. I just wanted to thank you for your help at the shelter today; meeting Shadow after looking at his photo on the flyer for so long was rewarding. Of course, it was very nice to see you again as well._” As expected, he types with perfect grammar and capitalization, I mused. I let the last sentence linger in my body for a bit, saturating my heart in it. After the butterflies settled, I typed in response, “_oh, of course!! shadow deserves a good home and i’m very happy to help with that. he should be eligible for adoption soon by the way. also it was nice seeing you again too! it’s always nice meeting people who love animals. would you say cats are your favorite?_” I placed my phone on my chest and tried to steady my breathing. What if he thinks I’m weird? Is he a stickler about other people’s grammar? Because if he is, that is such a huge turn-off. A muffled giggle escaped me in spite of myself. Another ping. Like lightening I snatched my phone and opened the message. I smiled softly as my eyes swept over the text. “_Yes, actually. I enjoy the company of birds too. When I was a child, my mother had chickens. They are fabulous creatures, but quite a bit of hard work. I do miss my favorite rooster, Griffin. He had a lot of personality and was protective of me. What animals are your favorite? I’m sure volunteering at the shelter, they must be your passion._”  
  
  
We spoke back and forth for a bit, talking about animals and our hobbies. I learned that besides writing poetry, he enjoys theater, orchestra, gardening, and sketching. On weekends, V attends a poetry club hosted at a friend’s house. To support himself financially, he publishes his poetry online and edits videos for his twin brother. I was impressed; being a self-employed artist was a difficult livelihood. It’s probably much more rewarding than a job that would demand a lot out of V physically, and for that I was glad. Someone as kind as him deserved to live peacefully doing what they loved, I thought to myself.  
  
  
He asked me polite questions in return, which I tentatively indulged in. I briefly spoke about my afternoons spent volunteering at the shelter and how I was self-employed as a freelance digital artist. He asked to see my work and I obliged, but not without covering my face and blushing a deep maroon after pressing send. “_Very stunning! You have an eye for color and your style reminds me of lazy Saturday mornings as a child,_” is what he replied with. I was absolutely glowing; it was a leap of faith to be vulnerable with my art, but tonight was where vulnerability gave way to familiarity and with that I was definitely pleased. V was friendly and courteous, even if he was saying things to be polite. It wasn’t much longer until we both said a casual goodnight and I delved into my blankets. I put my phone up on the nightstand and thought to myself — how nice is this? It felt so delightful to have a harmless crush. Something to be excited for and look forward to. I had been having feelings I haven’t felt in years, truthfully. Anxiety minimizes all of your other emotions until you felt either scared or numb. But in this moment, I felt things I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anymore. I had a little of something to look forward to, the exciting mystery of unravelling what makes up a new friend. Maybe we could be something more but... I know better than to get my hopes up. I snuggled deep into my bed and soon was I dreaming of a tattooed friend with a sultry voice.

An exciting week followed as we conversed with each passing day. I learned more about poetry than I ever did in high school, and I’m sure V got his fill on random happenings around the shelter... along with updates about Shadow. He came once more during that week to visit — not specifying if he was unsure about Shadow, or genuinely wanted to see the both of us. Either way it was delightful, and he seemed pleased when we were together. This _distraction_ was so welcome, but I couldn’t help but be unable to see it going anywhere. After this chapter in my life involving Shadow, V will probably fade back into the miasma that is my life. However, I was enjoying it while it lasted. What kind and gentle souls, the both of them.  
  
  
“_Are you free this evening?_” A message from V popped onto my phone with a little jingle. “_yes! what’s up? (:_” I typed back eagerly. Today was my day off; it was a cozy Saturday morning and I was sitting in bed, drinking chamomile tea I made for myself. My stomach flipped happily; was I going to see him today? Another jingle murmured from my phone. Turning it over, I opened the message and read on. “_It has been over two weeks since Shadow was taken in, and if I remember correctly he should be available for adoption. So, I’ve decided to bring him home! Could you meet me at the shelter and help me get Shadow to my house? It isn’t that far and I will compensate._” I sipped my tea and beamed. I was flattered that he asked me to help, and excited for Shadow to be out of limbo and finally into a good home. Picking up my phone, I typed back to him, “_i can definitely help you out! you don’t have to worry about paying me. what time were you wanting to meet up?_”  
  
  
The sun was lowering, decorating the sky with bright strokes of magenta and gold. The open parking lot stretched around us, devoid of anyone save for a few staff members wrapping up for the night. I found V parked near the entrance of the shelter; this evening he was wearing a witchy cardigan and black sunhat that seemed to disappear into his locks... his androgynous look made me blush deeply when his back was turned. We entered the shelter and retrieved Shadow together, as V had finished his paperwork and interview earlier in the day. It was a little bittersweet for my coworkers; they seemed sad to see him go, as with his size and personality he became quite the celebrity. Heaving his kennel as he sat patiently inside, I was reminded again just how heavy this cat was. V held the backseat door open, other hand gripped around his cane and his face warm with a grateful smile. Securing Shadow safely inside, I closed the car door and gave a victorious grin. I brushed my hands together theatrically and I exclaimed, “Well V, lead the way!” He chuckled at me in his signature smooth tone and made his way to his driver seat, pausing before climbing in. “Thank you for your help again. My home isn’t too far away, so see you in a bit.” He waved at me through the window as our cars rumbled to life, pulling out of the lot and onto the busy street, with V leading our tiny precession.  
  
  
I had some time to process V’s invite to his home before I left, but now we were close and I was excited all over again. As we drove, I wondered — how did he decorate? Was it as mysterious as he was? I’m sloppy and live alone, I thought to myself. Would he be judge me if he saw my house? I tensed at this thought in particular, but luckily it was forced out of my mind as a small brick house filled my view. It was cute! A very humble place; a colorful flower garden was in front and a paved driveway leading to a carport was adjacent to it. The house wasn’t huge, but I didn’t expect it to be. Humble suits V very well.  
  
  
Parking and unloading Shadow came next; V helped me where he could, holding the front door open for me with his dimpled smile and many thank you’s. After the supplies needed for Shadow were in their designated places, I gently plopped his kennel in the middle of the living room floor. I turned towards V, who was sitting behind me on a pretty black leather armchair with his hat placed in his lap. “Are you ready?” I said playfully. V closed his eyes and laughed. “Oh absolutely.” he mused. I undid the hatch and spoke in a calm voice. “Out you get, Shadow.” The midnight creature blinked his golden eyes in the artificial light and ducked as he exited the kennel. His body language was cautious but unafraid; he made a big show out of sniffing everything he could and started investigating the room. We watched him together, giggling as we narrated his actions to each other and gave him the space he needed.  
  
  
As V was busy watching Shadow, I took a second to observe the space I was in without feeling like I was imposing. The living room itself was nicely decorated. There was a bookcase reaching high up on the wall behind V’s leather armchair that had interesting knick knacks, along with a multitude of books. I recognized a few of the figures on the shelf; some were weapon replicas from a video game I was familiar with. A hunched humanoid figure decorated with swirling patterns on its body and a large eye on the headless torso was up there too; it looked like a well-made high school art project with impressive attention to detail. I wonder if V made it or if it was a gift, it was very interesting to look at. A silver-framed portrait of a beautiful white-blonde woman was accompanying the art project. She was smiling with familiar dimples while holding a oversized black rooster like a baby. I instantly remembered the tale of V's mother and her chickens and aww'd softly to myself. My eyes wandered some more and admired the rest of the room. Adjacent to the armchair was a matching loveseat; black side tables next to each arm with a heavy-looking lamp placed on the right side. Opposite of that was a flat screen television perched on a slate-colored media shelf. The floor was gorgeous; stained hardwood with a silver plush rug that stretched to almost the full area of the living room. The walls were painted a blue-gray, tying together a warm welcoming feeling that permeated throughout. V took pride in his house, as small and humble as it was, that much was clear. Overall, I was very impressed by his sense of style; I suddenly felt very attracted to him knowing these intimate details about his life.  
  
  
“Could I make you something to eat? I’d like to return my gratitude, since you kindly declined my offer.” I was startled by V’s silky voice trailing from the kitchen, breaking up my thoughts. He must have slipped away as I zoned out whilst admiring the living room. The little breakfast nook near the counter was inviting and my stomach grumbled loudly. V was whipping up something that smelled delectable; sounds of sizzling and the dull clanking of an iron skillet intensified the ungodly sounds my stomach was making. “Oh! Sure, thank you!” I said gratefully, flustered at his kind offer. He probably hasn’t eaten in a while either, I realized. That won’t do at all. “Will you eat with me? You should eat too.” Glancing up at me, V chuckled at my vigilance. “You’re right, I will join you then. Does veggie fried rice sound okay?” My stomach answered for me, gurgling immensely. I blushed deeply and covered my face out of habit as V barely stifled a cheerful giggle with the back of his hand. I sat myself on one side of the breakfast table after helping set it with silverware, cups, and a pitcher of water. He carried the plates over, cane resting securely in the crease of his elbow. Steam from the rice swirled around us, the delicious aroma enveloped our senses. V had a seat in the chair in front of me and poured us both some water. Handing me my cup, V’s thumb gently brushed against my own. I flinched, but managed to keep the glass steady. Trembling, I giggled in spite of myself and V joined in — much to my comfort. We began to eat together in silence, and it was so delicious; the vegetables were seasoned perfectly and the rice was the optimal texture. I complimented his cooking politely and he thanked me for my help. “You are very strong, it’s quite impressive!” he said. I smiled into my dinner and blushed deeply.  
  
  
Suddenly, V cleared his throat as though he intended to say something; I looked up at him quizzically, swallowing my last bite. “Ari...” He spoke softly to me in a concerned voice, with a gentle expression on his face. “I... don’t want to make you nervous if I can help it. If there’s anything I can do to help you minimize your anxiety, please bring it to my attention. I consider you my friend.” I lost all feeling in my limbs at this and stammered. “T-that’s very kind of you to say, V. Thank you. All of this... it’s so lovely.” I swallowed. “I want you to know that — that I’m not afraid of you. I —” I trailed off, biting my lip. I thought for a moment and decided to bring up what had been plaguing me. Across the table, V’s expression was still that of concern, his eyes peering into mine and hanging onto my words. “When you followed me on Twitter... after all of our talking, you never brought my pronouns or anything up. I’m not afraid of you, but worried that you thought I was...—” Trembling, I placed my hand gingerly on the table to steady myself. I gazed into his eyes and looked for any sign of disgust or upset. There was a moment where I held the urge to dart out the front door, disappearing into the night forever. V met my gaze and reached across the table, hovering his hand over my noticeably smaller one. “May I?” he asked politely. My heart took flight. Instead of answering, I grasped his hand gently. His dark green eyes grew wide and he blushed, then his surprised expression melted into a warm dimpled smile.  
  
  
“I'm nonbinary too. I've been out for a long time, and for the record, I use he and they pronouns. I'm so sorry I didn't introduce myself as such; I keep to myself and rarely meet anyone new, so I forget my manners. But I'm sure you also understand the general fear of being known, much more by the wrong person." I squeezed his hand in reassurance, silently listening to his soothing deep voice. I became braver in this moment, wanting nothing more than to protect him as I sensed his vulnerability. He smiled sheepishly at me and sighed. “If I can be so forward... I want to learn more about you, Ari. You are... endlessly fascinating to me. You radiate kindness in everything you do, and when you care about things, you seem to care so deeply. It brightens up everything around you.” V’s voice became slightly ragged and hitched ever so gently as he spoke. “I — I want you to know, you are safe. Whatever or whoever has hurt you before, I won’t let it happen to you again. Not that you don’t have agency, I just don’t want to ever be a source of your anxiety. I want to earn your trust —“ It was his turn to trail off. His eyes glistened as I caught his gaze. Nervousness had finally escaped me and I was instead overwhelmed with emotion. “V... that is so kind of you to say... you can always talk to me about your thoughts especially regarding gender. I would love to hear them, as rarely do I have someone to discuss gender with who understands. And as you have guessed, something did happen to me... to cause, well, all of what I deal with on a daily basis. Having a friend who is aware of that, wants to minimize that damage, and help me heal... that’s more than I deserve. To be quite honest, I...” I paused, gathering up all my courage. It flowed out of me like magma, making my face hot but my insides glowing. “I have been intrigued by you since we met in the library. I developed a crush on you; talking to you, getting to know you... you kept my mind preoccupied instead of dwelling on the bad things that run never-ending circles in my head. You intrigue me with your kindness, your voice is rhythmical, and your poetry... you are breathtaking. I’ve never met anyone like you.” For a moment we looked at each other; our faces illuminated by the kitchen light, emotion glistening in each other’s eyes and our hands clasped together. “May I kiss you?” V whispered, eyes not leaving mine. My heart pounded loudly in my ears. I nodded as my gaze dropped shyly. V brought his free hand up and gently cupped my chin with his fingers. He tilted my face up and softly kissed me.  
  
  
Fireworks erupted inside of my skull as my lips relaxed against his. We parted for a moment, but I pulled him back in for a second kiss before I could stop myself. His lips were as soft as they looked... just as I imagined. You know how you get an idea of someone’s natural scent when you kiss them? I was intoxicated by his... it was warm and clean, reminiscent of pine or cinnamon. This kiss lingered for a little longer before we slowly parted once again, a little dazed and sparkle-eyed.  
  
  
His midnight hair fell in front of his eyes; I pushed the lock away and tucked it behind his ear. “Thank you for dinner,” I murmured. Closing his heavy eyelids, V brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it gently before he began collecting the dishes to wash them. Wanting to help, we stood together at the sink. “Do you... have any plans tonight?” he asked me tentatively as we tidied up. I shifted my weight from side to side and swallowed. “Ah... I should be getting home. I need to feed my cats and get ready for tomorrow.” “Oh, of course! I should have known that.” He blushed as he scoured the skillet in the sink. “I would love to hang out tomorrow, if you have something in mind?” I said. He dried his hands off and turned towards me, smiling from ear to ear. He took my hands in his tattooed ones and kissed them gently again. “I would enjoy that. Do you prefer tea or coffee? There’s a café in town I’ve been meaning to visit”. His emerald eyes searched mine, lashes long and black as he gazed down at me. “Tea. And that sounds lovely.”  
  
  
  
I drifted into a dreamless slumber that night effortlessly, as the moonlight caressed my face and the fireflies danced. Without anxious thoughts to keep me awake, I fell asleep thinking of him and nothing more. Warm and comfortable.


End file.
